Summer Zoe is graduating! Yep. SENIOR 2014. And we went out a few days ago and shot her senior portraits. We had a really good time. Lots of laughing!
I'm OK. I really am. With her graduating. I'm excited to see what her future brings! But you see? Devin's grandma, Idalee isn't doing too good. She's 99 and in the last days of her life. It's always hard when someone leaves you. And she's so so loved. So, I'm dealing with life the way I love to and that's by pouring through old images and having a good cry and even thinking of drinking. It's 11 AM here in West Texas, folks. 11 AM. I could have a problem.
I wanted to name her Zoey when she was born, but Devin didn't like it. His mom's middle name is Zoe and I've always loved it. Though it was such a cool name. We compromised. See, when Kalyn was born I wanted to name her Summer but she came in September. So, I used Summer for my last girl, and now I can't see her as anything thing else. She looks like Summer. And she makes me think of summer time. The beach. Sunshine. Pretty blue eyes. Pretty sun kissed hair. When her hair is blowing, it makes me think of growing up on the beach in sunny CA. The wind always blows on the beach.
I'm doing OK with her graduating and the empty nest being upon us! Ask me again in a few short weeks when I move her to Ft. Worth to go to school at TCU. Ask me then. Kalyn Marie's senior year moved so fast. It went by in such a blur. I kept waiting for it to slow down and it never did.
This year? It feels different. It has felt like it's inching by. I'm sure it has to do with the chemo and the couch and the fact that basketball is over. For us it was over almost as quickly as it began. With Kalyn playing so many sports in HS (still does in college) we barely had time to breathe! I had to fight for a chance to photograph her before the year was gone. With Summer, it's been a slap in our face. A hard knock that has left us reeling. She has a bad hip and we thought she could play through, but it just got too much. So, she stopped playing. It just ended. BAM. Over. The last game she played in, we had no idea we were watching her last ball game. It hurt. For her yes, TREMENDOUSLY. But for me as well. I kept positive when I could, but I had my ugly moments. I cried in the dark. In my bed. On my couch. When I looked through pictures. When I photographed the team playing. I cried. A big ball baby for sure. I cried for all that could have been. SHOULD have been. She is/was an AWESOME ball player. Both my girls are! And I wanted to watch her play. Thought I would have more time.
We always think that, huh? MORE TIME. But one thing I've desperately learned in the last year is you never do. YOU NEVER HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU THINK YOU WILL. I think that's why I love the still image so very much. You can look at a picture, like I'm doing today and it immediately takes you back to that moment in time. You laugh again. You cry again. You hurt again. You love again. And you realize how much you cherish the times you've had together.
I'm cherishing my time with my kid. She's so smart. And so much fun! Both my kids are! As long as they let me hang with them, I will. I will soak it up and breath it and live it and love it. And when it's time to let go, I will. Of course, if you stop by next year during the day, you may find me on my office floor, drinking and pouring through tons of images. I'm going to miss this girl!!!!
PS Please keep scrolling past all her FABULOUS senior pictures! You'll find a few still images that I cherish so. Enjoy!